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HATS OFF TO THE GRADUATES

By Paula Susan

Spring is busting out all over, and students everywhere are excited but scared, at the same time, to move on to the next level in their education.

Some arrived at this point through hardships and disabilities. They were determined, and they made it.

Some were survivors of emotional, physical, psychological and sexual forms of abuse. They somehow knew there was something inside of them that was worth cultivating.

There is some sadness in letting go – of routines, teachers, and friends. There is an awareness in everyone that they are moving from their childhood into an adult world.

Some of these students were blessed with money to support the schools of their choice. Some were not.

When I graduated from graduate school, I was infused with joy. In middle age, I achieved my goal of 4.0.  Had I found a way into college after High School, there is no knowing where I would be at my present age of 77.  I am proud to say that I have spent most of my life healing others. I am still doing it.

Who could hope for better?

So, our hats off to those embarking on the next part of their journey. Remember to enjoy each moment.

Be in gratitude that you have had this opportunity.

SOUTH JERSEY’S SPECIALIST IN COMPLEX RELATIONSHIPS/MARRIAGE AND TRAUMA

Since 1982, I have enjoyed the privilege of helping human beings heal and grow.

Most often, the issues that arise in a once-loving relationship have a connection, in some way, to the difficulties faced as a child. Parents may rage, say things that put you down creating low self-esteem which often remains through adulthood, committed incest which will lead to sexual problems, psychological, emotional abuse, violence, neglect.

Anyone of these will remain in the body easily affecting their behavior and sense of the world. Their own anger, emotional pain, and fear may unconsciously be wrecking their relationships.

There have not been any conversations on division of labor.  Expectations of roles haven’t been discussed and agreed upon. Boundaries are not clear.  Sexual issues are often not discussed. Many people don’t grow their sexual potential. Some are adverse to it. They don’t discuss the difference in their desire.

Children often get mixed message when parents have differences in their parenting style.

Of course, there are many issues that come up when two people join their lives. Their past experiences, beliefs, expectations – all that shaped each partner may clash and a war of silence or attack may ensue. There are ways to deal with it all by learning communication skills, healing the wounds of the past, learning how to create a healthy, loving and fun relationship.

Coming to see me could be the best thing you could do for yourself and absolutely for your marriage/relationship.

Check out this website www.paulasusan.com, and call me with your concerns at 609-975-8845

Couples’ BIG MISTAKE

As a therapist since 1982, what would you think I would hear over and over, from one couple after another?  Whether the issue is sex, verbal abuse, lack of intimacy and connection – it invariably goes back to a lack of affection and communication skills.

“I asked you to go to therapy with me years ago.  You were not willing,”

“You told me you would find someone for us to see, and you never did.”

“What’s therapy going to do for us?  We talk and nothing changes.”

Many affairs are conducted behind the scenes, because someone has not been heard.

Many divorces are launched because one partner’s needs are not being met.

People feel so isolated in their relationships, and there is no one who hears their cries.  Those cries turn into anger and despair.

When a skilled clinician is available to hear you and help you to express yourself to the person not listening – well, think of the possible outcomes.  Call me.  609-975-8845.

Complex issues?  Help is in your backyard!  Paula Susan specializes in Trauma and Relationships since 1982.

If you are struggling with an unhappy relationship, learn how to talk with each other and solve differences.  If someone is carrying a lot of rage, I have many researched approaches that will get at the root and rid you of accumulated anger.  If sex is  not as you dreamed it would be?  Come and speak about it here with me.

The list is endless, and I am prepared to work with you as a couple or individually.  All these years and I am happy about the quality of deep healing that I offer.

Paula Susan is a relationship and trauma specialist in Southern New Jersey who has been counseling couples and individuals for 33 + years.

Refer to the website and give Paula Susan a call.

WHY MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS FAIL

When you “fell in love”, you saw many things that felt wonderful. You looked forward to a “wonderful” life.

I have defined that initial state as a psychosis. It grips and draws you to each other, with impatient passion, and consuming excitement.

Why is it that many of those relationships do not last through time?

Couples say they have fallen out of love.

Sex is no longer an attraction. Long talks at night have vanished from the scene.

It doesn’t matter that thousands of dollars went into the fairy tale wedding. Nor, more importantly, the vows they made before God, each other, friends and family are being tossed away, instead of seeking help.

Their relationship has fallen to levels of fighting, alcohol, affairs and worse.

People are not prepared with skills of how to listen to each other with compassion. Most people do not recognize that much of their early beginnings have been internalized, and they are often replicated by themselves or their partners. People marry with high expectations of their relationship.

They can repair and develop new ways of looking at your partner, and knowing what an intimate connection can look like.

This work that I have been doing for almost 37 years can change lives. Together they will heal the wounds they have visited on each other. They can learn an amazing, safe way to Dialogue which will pave the path for compassionate connection. Resentments, anger, path and stop the pain accumulated.

Show your kids, your friends that commitment is vital to relationships, and that you cared enough to see an expert and bring you back to an even better place than when you fell in love.

(Paula Susan is a relationship and trauma specialist in Southern New Jersey who has been counseling couples and individuals for over 33 years.)

That is why I have dedicated 36 years to being the specialist in Trauma and Relationships. Invariably, couples who come to me with issues between them, have each carried some small or big trauma from the past. Not everyone knows how to love or receive it.

Military, medical trauma, disasters, murders – they are all big traumas. What about having been physically or emotionally beaten? What about some of us were not loved and/or were neglected? Some of us have survived sexual assault and abuse.

While some people have made adjustments to live with their past, it does not escape their unconscious or what resides in their bodies. Bessell van Der Kolk, the recognized trauma expert throughout the world, proves this in his book, The Body Keeps the Score. It is often the unresolved traumas that destroy intimacy and relationships.

So, if your partner has problems sexually, or is defensive, or the sparkle is no longer there, come to me. My many skills such as EMDR, EFT and years of successfully healing relationships, are available to you.

Check out my website www.paulasusan.com and call 609-975-8845.

Is your relationship what you have signed up for? Relationship problems, even the most complex, can be healed with a seasoned specialist in Relationship/Marital and Trauma issues. This is who I am, Paula Susan, serving, healing, for 36 years, in South Jersey.

If your relationship is boring, lost its glow,  then revive it with me.

If sex is no longer satisfying, come speak with me.

If you are struggling with decisions around affairs, or divorce, seeing me is the step before you make such a decision!

Wherever I go – Cherry Hill, Voorhees, Medford, Moorestown, and down the shore, I run into people who are pleased for having healed with me.

If there are unresolved traumas which do effect relationships, call me.

No situation is too complex for me. I welcome the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of everyone.

www.paulasusan.com

609-975-8845

I am Paula Susan.  Since 1982, I have specialized in trauma and Relationships/Marital issues.  Many numbers of people in South Jersey are in healthy relationships because they learned one of the finest communication skills that I teach.  Their relationship is one of connection and loving.

Communication is about truly hearing your partner, listening with compassion to what they are saying from their perspective.  Sometimes it takes courage and self-esteem to speak your truth.  In many marriages, they do not speak their truth for fear of “rocking the boat” of their relationship.

Affairs happen because couples don’t hear each other.  Anger grows.  For some, because they do not feel safe, the anger builds up inside.  Or, they have learned long ago not to make waves.  Or, perhaps their partner has tuned out.

This leads to feeling isolated, not loved or respected.  They don’t feel that they count.

Kids hear the yelling between their parents, or feel the tension around the home.  They do not grow up learning the important things about loving in relationships.

Is this the legacy you want to pass on?

Before you do anything, ask yourself about the quality of your communication.  It is THE most powerful tool for any relationship or marriage.

I am Paula Susan, in private practice here in South Jersey, for 36 years. I chose to specialize in Trauma and Relationship which are often complicated situations.  In some ways, they prevent love from growing. It doesn’t have to be that way, or taint or ruin the quality of so many lives.

Couples – in any combination – come to me because they are on the brink of separating or divorcing. That is such a huge move. Yes, there are times when that is the solution. However, most often, it is not.

When I hear that “he” has been verbally abusive and controlling, and “she” has hit her limit, they are invited in as a couple. They each fill in an inventory (which can be found on the bottom of my relationship page).  Once completed, I now have an overview of how each see the relationship and each other.

My next two sessions are with them individually so we can connect and discuss the background from which they came. Now, with a sense of their histories, I know where to start the deep healing that they deserve.

When I bring them back together, I teach an amazing way to communicate. They begin to hear each other’s truth, pain and the hurt resulting from their treatment of each other, a shift happens.

Tracing back, we locate the source of their behaviors and open a different way to hear and feel each other.

Traumas are resolved efficiently using many ways to do that, especially Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. The healing and teaching ways to effectively love each other is the result of my rather short term, yet dynamic work.

It frees couples to stay or to leave based on what is now possible.