The Wisdom of seeking help from Paula before taking the step to divorce.
As a Trauma and Relationship Specialist since 1982, I’ve had the privilege of repairing marriages & relationships that at first glance, would seem irreparable. I’ve revitalized many that today look like new love affairs. I’ve worked with many, many couples where one of the partners had escaped from unhappiness into infidelity. Some partners, severely damaged from childhood abuse such as neglect and physical or verbal abuse, projected their inner rage onto others. Some partners having been sexually violated, act out their repressed shame and anger, or deny their own sexuality. There are so many scenarios where this kind of help would make the difference.
Most of these marriages heal with the added benefit of each partner becoming psychologically and emotionally healthy in the process of our therapy. When this step of healing is not taken, most will repeat the still unconscious patterns of the marriage, they want to escape.
While one person may feel like the victim, it takes two to do the destructive dance. Healthy transformation is always my goal, as I use all that I continue to learn from the master thinkers. I use processes like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing - See Triumph Over Trauma) which the field of neuroscience supports as able to change what was once considered hardwiring in the brain. That means deep, lasting change. That means healing in the core of the issues which have colored perceptions and thwarted happiness. These processes make talk therapy alone outdated, and allows for rapid change.
I also teach communication skills that establish connection. I teach negotiation skills that could have helped the relationship a long time ago. I teach you take-home skills for you to use on your own. I help you break the unconscious negative patterns you have adopted in your lives. If you still choose to leave, I lead you into the gift of forgiveness (for yourself) so you do not carry the scars from your unhappy marriage into the future. You don’t want these scars of hostility living in your psyche and you don’t want the ugliness to be part of the legacy that becomes your children’s history and role model.
There are those relationships that should not be. They are the ones that clearly were not made in heaven. They are the toxic, life-draining relationships that need to end. Sometimes – though not often – the grass is greener elsewhere.
So, typically, without the benefit of this kind of therapy, couples just plunge into the adversarial dance of divorce. Each finds an attorney who they hope will defend their wounded honor by bringing their partner to justice. They expect retribution by way of financial settlement and most often in the process, put their children in a loyalty bind. Rancor has been the hallmark of these typical divorces – the old-fashioned way – which has been through litigation.
Click here to see an article on what to realistically expect from the traditional divorce process.
HAVE YOU HEARD OF COLLABORATIVE LAW?
This is an alternative that is so respectful of each of you. It is a paradigm shift that changes the “win at all costs” (no matter who it destroys in the process) with lawyer against lawyer, husband against wife. In Collaborative Divorce, the goal is a “win/win.”
With two specially trained Collaborative lawyers, together with the husband and wife, in a structured and controlled setting, they recreate the trust that might have been lost in the marriage and pave a way to settling the financial, property and child-rearing issues.
Legal costs are dramatically reduced, critical decisions are negotiated between you and your spouse in a private and safe setting, protecting your confidential information and allowing the two of you to decide on critical issues - rather than an arbitrary decision by a Judge where, in open Court, your private information is exposed.
When issues are raised that become contentious, Collaborative Professionals are available to help. There are financial experts and mental health professionals all trained to work with you collaboratively so that resolutions are achieved that make sense to you both.
Of course, not every attorney takes this approach, which is why you need to avail yourselves of “Collaborative Attorneys.” For more detailed information, please go to www.southjerseycollaborativelawgroup.com.
It is worth your while to investigate this with your spouse and mitigate the painful damage that adversarial divorce causes.
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